This is a made-up example to illustrate the point, but I’ve seen this hundreds of times over the years in manuscripts I’ve edited and in workshops, critique groups, and writing courses.
ORIGINAL: I stopped at the bathroom counter to survey myself in the mirror. I touched up my make-up to highlight the jade green of my eyes. Pushed a strand of auburn red hair back into place. My pearl earrings and matching pearl necklace stood in stark contrast to my favorite little black dress, which I am proud to say still fits perfectly, even though I was celebrating my thirtieth birthday tonight. I stepped back to see the curve of my waist and full hips supported by shapely, athletic legs. The hours I spent at the gym each week paid off, and I still could turn heads when I enter a room. I put on a fresh layer of carmine lip gloss and headed into the party.
EDITED TO: [deleted entire paragraph]
EDITOR’S COMMENTS: Seriously, just delete it. Having a character describ…
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